Among this inner circle of beer is the granddaddy of them all, Sam Adams Utopias. (I can only hope to someday brew a beer that inspires a video like this.) It is a pioneer into the upper 20s of ABV, before the BrewDog/Schorschbräu ABV arms race started debates as to where beer ends and liquor begins.

At 27% ABV and over $100 per bottle, this beer has become as much myth as legend. Having given up all hope of tasting such an elusive nectar, my friend Jake Grove, a writer for the Upstate Be in Anderson, sent me a text message a couple months ago: “you want to try sam adams utopias?” Uh, yeah…

After months of wrangling schedules, we finally got together last night at the Velo Fellow to crack this baby open and take it for a spin. Or should I say, get taken for a spin?

First off, the packaging is flat out seductive. It’s a bottle that looks like a copper brew kettle, complete with a sliding window that reveals an etching of Samuel Adams himself. It’s beer porn. It should be illegal. (Well, in some states I’m sure it is…)

Interesting fact I did not know until last night: Utopias is not conditioned like beer usually is. It’s uncarbonated and meant to be served at room temperature. Makes sense, since there’s no way you’d want to drink all that in one setting. Unless, of course, your typical autumn Friday night consists of a backyard bonfire started with $20 bills for kindling.

The color of the beer is such a rich, ruby mahogany. I’d paint my study with it. When you get within a foot of the glass, the first thing that hits your senses is alcohol. I’d recommend it for clearing up allergies and sinus infections. It is hot.

Once you get past the vapors, the aroma really opens up and gives a hint of the complexity of the brew. Vanilla, brandy, maple syrup and spice cake all intermingle at different times throughout the experience.

The initial flavor is uber-sweet and it has a mouthfeel of brandy. However, it’s much smoother than the aroma would indicate. Not much burn going down, but I would only take a sip at a time. There’s an abundance of dark fruit: figs, raisins, prunes. The malt flavor is intense with toffee and caramel. This is easily one of the most complex beers I’ve ever tasted. The flavors and aromas just kept evolving as we went.

While the Velo Fellow provided a fitting backdrop of an old-world pub, I feel like Utopias is best enjoyed in a plush leather chair facing a roaring fire in a stone hearth with deer prancing in a snow-filled meadow outside of a massive bay window amid the Canadian Rockies on the horizon.

(Un)fortunately, Nicole was called away on business and wasn’t able to partake of the initial tasting. I’m hoping that means we’ll get a call to Anderson so she can try it before the Groves finish it. After all, a beer this complex needs much futher study, I am all about education.

Now, I own a pickup truck. There have been a couple times over the years that I’ve said to myself when loading it up with furniture or other stuff, “Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” only to have something shift or slide and it gets bent or dented. My mistake, I learn and am more careful next time.

But these are giant palates of bottles. The fine folks who loaded the trailer didn’t use airbags to cushion the space between the palates and walls of the trailer. If the driver needed to swerve out of the way, or say, make a left-hand turn, then this would happen.

(Actually, they did use three, one at the front of the trailer for the first row of palates and two against the trailer door at the back. Why they didn’t use more is unknown. Nothing like making a $1,300 mistake to save $100 on airbags.)

We lost four palates of bottles and three hours of my life shoveling them out of the trailer. The inner workings of a brewery…

Bacon flavored vodka

http://proof.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/30/time-and-the-bottle/

My favorite quote from the article:

“But drinking was also an excuse to devote eight consecutive hours to sitting idly around having hilarious conversations with friends, and I am still not convinced there is any better possible use of our time on earth.”

I could rarely last eight hours, even in my earlier years, but to this day, my favorite thing to do is sit around with friends, drink beer and tell stories.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/36098170@N06/

I so want the Pabst sweater!

(via @mrsohabeer)

Until my nose and taste buds are back in working order and I can appreciate these beers, I can only share this random bit of weirdness with you. Enjoy, and I hope to be back with you in time for St. Patrick’s Day.

Just in case you want to know what I’m doing, where I’m at, and what I’m drinking at any time, I’m now on Twitter. Since I don’t have an iPhone, or even a decent cell phone, I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to update it, but I’ll do what I can. You can find me by searching for “untamedbeer”.

Enjoy my life.

By the way, I found this very amusing. If you do a group search for “untamed beer,” in addition to my group, you also get:

• I Am Rock (music – metal)
• Corey’s Basement (common interest – family)
• Man Squad (common interest – sexuality)
• Mountain men(people) of appalachia (just for fun – totally random)

I am genuinely frightened.

“I had a Lowenbrau at a party once when I was 14. I didn’t drink another beer until I was 18.”